YOU: My plan A, my hundred fold blessing, the perfect will

The day our eyes meet I will know it's you I've been waiting for

A day when I find the you who looks beyond my exterior and loves me more for the colorful landscape I have on the inside

A day when I find the you I have been dreaming of all my life

A day when I find the you who has God's fingerprints all over

You yes you

I wait for the day you enter my life and touch my heart in a way no one ever will

How will you look like?

Will you be all that I have imagined?

Will you be everything I have prayed for?

You yes you

How I long to hear all your dreams and visions

How I yearn to come back home to you to hear you tell me the trivial things that happen daily

How I crave for the day I can feel safe in your arms knowing that you will take care of me for the rest of my life

How I hunger for the joy of meeting the you who is part of the grand plan conjured up by our heavenly father

Whereever you are
Whoever you are

I know you are waiting too

This poem is for you

"There is always something delicious about the first words of a story cos you never know where it will lead you"

The good ol' me

Yup its a daily battle. Our flesh is naturally sinful but I always make it a point to overcome anything negative and end it with something positive. Each time after I overcome one thing, the next thing will come to challenge me, its exciting cos i know i am constantly growing in the Lord and enlarging my spirit man.

The way to cure my frustration:
Seeking Him. Depending on Him. Focus on Him. Dying to my flesh.
Him= My Lord.

One lesson I learnt long ago is that I can't please everyone and I can't change everyone but I can definitely change myself: Opps that's 3 lessons rolled into 1.
My friends who used to call me Ms Perfectionist and Ms idealist are probably pleasantly shocked by my change. Not that this "seeking for the ideal and craving for the perfect" part of me has totally disappeared, it probably never will cos it's what makes me me...

However, it is no longer the catalyze for discontentment but it is now the fuel for all my dreams, visions and visualisation. It is no longer a hindrance to my peace when i find out that things are not perfect or ideal but it is the ignition of a passion to pursue better and better things.
It's just an acceptance that life may never be perfect but I can still constantly pursue and go closer to that ideal life. Things may not always turn out the way we want but we still need to plan and visualise what we want. Instead of looking at the imperfections of the world, I turn and look and work at myself. I look at the big picture on how things can be a win-win situation. I find out what positiveness can be drawn out of it. I look at the lessons instead of the mistakes, solutions instead of probs, what can be done instead of whats beyond our control.

This is a massive art that i am constantly but progressively mastering! :)

Just my two pennies worth: My Evil Twin Version: Life is not all just peaches and cream

Been feeling rather frustrated these few days, maybe coz i have not been spending enough time with Him, my God, therefore the imperfections of the people around me are really getting on my nerves...
READY FOR A LONG VENTING SESSION?
I cringe when I see the stubbornness someone holds on to in a bid to escape maturation.
I cringe when I hear people murmur constantly about how someone else is not doing what he/she say when they should just focus on how to be a better person themselves.
I cringe when I see people taking delight in gossips when they should just hold their tongue if they have nothing good to say.
I cringe when i see people not wanting to grow and move forward and blaming everyone else instead of looking at the only person they can do something about: THEMSELVES.
I cringe when I see girls living their lives in their husband or beau's shadows, basing their values on what they mean to him.
I cringe when I see people behave like money can buy everything.
I cringe when I see people complaining about the same old thing over and over again yet never wanting to do anything about it.
I cringe when I see people deriving their value on how they look externally.
I cringe when people come to me for help but they don't really even wana help themselves.
I cringe when people takes advantage of me just coz I trust them and care for them.
I cringe at rude people.
I cringe at hypocrites.
I cringe when people don't give me the space I need.
I cringe when people can take something positive, done out of good will and turn it into something totally negative; it's probably true that you attract what you are, you are what you think, negative people attract negative vibes.
I cringe when I hear girls talking about what they are lookin for in a man and most of which starts with something material the man must have. Why can't they understand that a man may be rich now but can be poor anytime if he didn't have the character to maintain them?
I cringe when I see girls buying diamond rings and paying by instalments( I can never understand this) when they are debt ridden. [Halo, the world is filled with starving people who can't even afford 3 proper meals and did you watch the movie "Blood diamond"?]
I cringe when I see the wish list of girls which comprises of branded bags, products etc (Things that can only feed them externally) and nothing else.
I cringe when I see girls walking on the streets holding and wearing the same things looking like uniformed robots made from the same factory. Why scrimp and save and probably use up all of their income for that next new branded product and diamond ring just so they can look like everyone else?Why can't they see that it is ultimately their character and personality that shines thru when their husband or beau sees the same face day in day out? What makes them so different when their value is based on something that anyone with money can buy? Why do people work so hard to buy these things when there are people in this world who dun even have money to buy shoes?
WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO LOOK LIKE CLONES?
Has this society changed to one in which the values of it's people are based on material things?
Dun get me wrong, I have nothing against having such things if
i) you can afford it ii) you genuinely like it and is not buying it coz everyone is having it iii) your value is not based on such material external things ie wanting to own that stuff so much that if you didn't have it you feel a part of you is missing
iv) Rather than investing your resources on such shallow things ,you ALSO invest your resources on "deeper" things in life as well, things that last, things that truly add value to who you really are.
All in all anything taken to the extreme is bad....

Yup this is another case of my evil twin vs the good ol' me. No worries, gotta put this part of me
back now, back to where it should belong. Time to"zip it"!

Truth is, people are imperfect but so am I, in the midst of my frustrations, there is a lesson to be learnt here. Loving imperfect people! And the only way i am able to do it is if I depend on You. Need to depend on You more. Still learning still growing still loving....

My Love is....

With wide eyed curiousity, many people have been asking, how come you never set aside time for dating? Aha! Truth is I would love to have someone in my life but I only want the best and I am waiting patiently, BUT I am also in the midst of working at being the best myself so that I can attract the best!
Looking at the photos I took few years ago, I felt I have aged quite abit and put on massive weight in a span of 2 yrs. After my break up 2 yrs ago, I have been on a bingeing spree and my diet has changed much. SOOO time to get back into the limelight but I want to work more at my exterior first.
Must admit that I have been rather sloppy when it comes to making myself look good on the outside hooh. But it's time for a change. Balance is the key. I want to be beautiful on the inside and outside as well!!!
Been single for 2 yrs but it is thru dating myself that I found back myself and discovered my likes and dislikes. It is also a time of digging out the "me" that's always 'shrouded with mystery' or some say "simply complicated". Many people commented in the past that I seem to have Dissociative identity disorder more commonly know as "split personality" but guess it was a time where I was searching for who I am, plus there are so many facades to my personality that sometimes I have to decide what I want to be. Whatever's the case, truth is I found back the real me thru this time of being unattached.
Been in the status quo of "attached" for total of 12 yrs which makes these 2 yrs a refreshing change. I love being unattached now and does not want to change the status unless there is a compelling reason to. I discovered what I really want and need and most importantly found back that I really do need alot of space and there is so much more to life!
I therefore announce that I need a man who is fiercely independent and can give me the space I need. He must have his own life and is immensely focused on his career and the pursuing of his dreams, someone who can constantly challenge me to keep growing in my potential.
I know my God has the best in store for me and I wait patiently while working vigorously at the fine-tuning of myself.

In these 2 short years, there had been some men who came and went, people who left a few words on my book of life, some a few sentences, some a few pages, some maybe even a whole chapter or so. Regardless of the amount of ink used, whether its pain or joy they brought, one thing is for sure: each experience is unique in its own rights. These people have unquestionably crafted my character and personality in a big or small way. And I made sure that i derive something positive out of each encounter.
So far, none has made it thru as the main lead in my story yet.... Many people, myself included, mistakenly thought its coz i have not gotten over my previous 7 yrs relationship that has eaten me up. Truth is, I actually enjoy dating myself and am secretly savouring this process of self discovery with my God. Unless I can find someone who can win the me currently dating myself + find approval with my daddy God, why would I want to be with that person? Why do I want to waste precious time to be with someone who will not make it thru to the end?
I love my life and all the people and things in it cos they make me who I am now and who I will be in future. As long as I have Him, my God, I know everything is going to be alright.

Hallelujah for my life and all the things and people who made an appearance on my story!

Schedules

Time is a very precious resource and God has appointed us as His stewards of the 24hrs that He gives us daily. Every time I think of schedule, I am reminded of Joyce Meyers words," Schedule your schedule around God and not schedule God around your schedule!" Honestly, I am still learning how to do that on a daily basis but I believe I can do it!

Been very busy these few weeks, know that my dear friends would probably scream in disgruntlement that its not only these few weeks but months.

My Schedule: Tues to Thurs - meetings & preparation for meetings, Fri - chill out day, fellowship, outreach or prayer day, Sat - family, time alone day, word studying, biz, events or catching up with friends, Sunday - Church and keyboard & guitar classes.

Occasionally I will go on solo trips to some art haunts during weekends. Love art galleries thou I dunno much about the history or the different styles of painting. Just to behold the way the artist bends the different colors, contours, outlines and guessing what the artist was trying to express at that time is a delight! "What were the artist's thoughts and feelings when he/she were painting it?" Simply by admiring the ingenuity of the artist in puting everything together can inspire me tremendously. It's true that a picture can truly say a thousand words....Occasionally, I will also arrange ktv sessions on weekends with friends just to let out all the pent up emotions. It's therapy really, my friends know that when I am not feeling good, a session of singing has an immediate effect of perking me up. I am also trying to set aside time to exercise more!

Monday is practically the only day I am free and I am contemplating taking up other things on that day. Hmmm still contemplating... So many things I wana do and so little time in a week: kickboxing, salsa, golf, horse riding, drums and the list goes on. I ve also just expressed interest in joining a song composing group where they will get together and perform the songs they composed and give their takes on the songs being showcased. I believe I will be inspired to compose better quality songs by joining this group and finding liked minded people.

There are so many things I want to do coz I have only one life! But truth is I can't do all of the things I would want to do now coz of the time and money constraint. However, STEP BY STEP, LITTLE BY LITTLE I will accomplish all!

Yes, in the midst of my busyness, I make sure I plan and evaluate my week and month to make sure I am on track as to where I want to go. One can be busy but at the end of the day achieve nothing, yet if one knows where she wants to go and where she is at, then she is investing her time on the "right" things and busy for "productive" reasons. Well, I think my busyness is really good investment nowadays coz I know where I am and where I am headed for and I try to make sure I am inching closer and closer to that destination! :)

Was browsing at MPH and found this book, Start late end rich by James Bach and came across this heading: Sprint or Marathon? I am definitely in it for the long haul and I am starting slowly bit by bit for the marathon!

How are you using your time? Are you doing a sprint or marathon?

Just a process

What do you do after you had a bad fall?

The answer is so simple that even a toddler will have the natural instinct to do...

YOU MAY CRY A LITTLE BUT YOU GET UP AND YOU STAND TALLER AND STRONGER THAN BEFORE AND YOU MAKE SURE YOU WON'T FALL AT THE SAME PLACE OR IN THE SAME MANNER AGAIN...

Excuses: Sometimes our flesh just loves to indulge in self pity and misery and all that junk.... BUT It's time, it's really time to let go...

Hey, as the french echos C'est La Vie! I am moving on! :)

In the mood for 60s: breaking free from the oppressive rigid social norms

60s: Era perceived as one of irresponsible excess and flamboyance.

Extreme liberation, Hippies, Psychedelic culture.... And no I was not born yet! :p

A great song for a morning drive on the way to the beach with windows winded down and the cool breeze blowing at your hair:

Pushing Daisies

I love the new series "Pushing Daisies", it's quirky, witty, whimsical though the theme is a tad morbid. I love the colourful cheery scenery and great cinematography a'la my all time favourite french movie "Amelie".
My close friends have commented that Audrey Tautou's character in Amelie reminds them of me with her bright-eyed, childliked, imaginative and quirky perspective of the mundane and boring routines of life, creating drama and bringing "life" to daily trivial things. They also commented that Winona Ryder's character in Girl Interrupted reminded them of me with her writer's instincts, love for adventure, restlessness and overly active imagination that nearly pushed her beyond the boundaries of sanity. Honestly, I dunno whether to take it as a compliment or..... But none the less, I know I am probably an extremist, one who used to take pride in my individuality or some say eccentric ways, used to despise the obedient mindless Singaporeans who are conformists n crowd followers. I used to pride myself on being a non conformist and loving all things "unconventional". Conclusion: no fixed identity during my teenage years then: not really a hooligan yet not exactly the model student yet not the average kind of teenager. Yup, smells suspiciously of Pride in the working.
However, all that has changed coz the only person who can change me decided to come along and transform me. :) BUT a part of that rebellious individualistic deviant unconformist streak still lives in me, guess that is what makes me distinct and I guess as long as I can turn "it" into something positive, I can still keep that part of me.
Maybe that's why I love "Pushing Daisies" coz its quirky, witty, whimsical, a tad morbid and cheery colourful.

Dreams...

I am a dreamer. I am a visionary. Without visions and a sense of where I am going to, I will have absolutely no drive for anything, I will be floating along with the tide of time and dreading every moment of it. There is a kind of beauty in the visualization of the future. There is a feeling of hope in the envisioning of what has not come to pass yet. At the age of 18, i wrote a 9 pages full description of the person I want to become and the things I want to achieve in 20 yrs time. Along the way, when I met many setbacks and distractions, i sort of put that dream aside, it sort of died on the inside of me.

12 yrs down the road. I am still half way there but by now my dreams and visions have evolved. When I met You again in 2006 March, You ignited a part of me that I have long forgotten and thought had died. When You came with all Your dreams and visions, it was like all the pieces of the puzzle are finally coming together. I finally found that sense of purpose I have been craving all these years for. Was living in constant dread of my life, surrounded by pain, misery and depression, sinking and spiralling down down down, my flesh seems to love to indulge in all these junk. But when You came into my world, I found that home that I have been searching all my life for. Home is where You are; in essence, when i walk in Your will, there You will be, when I come back after a hard day out in the world, You are that secret place I can go to.

Yes, I am still in the process of metamorphosis but this time I am not alone in this, I have You. I am not there yet but I know I will and when I arrive there, it will not be the terminus but I will embark on to the next terminus ad quem. I am determined to keep on going. And I am determined to make an impact on this world so that by the time I am ready to see You, I would have left a positive & indelible mark on this world. Yes, just to hear You say, "well done good and faithful servant".

Stocktaking on my current circumstances, it may seem almost unattainable but I believe that all things are possible with You. I look forward to and will strive to walk in the reality of the visions and dreams you have given me. Help me be a walker...

IT MAY SEEM IRONIC BUT THERE IS TRULY A STRANGE KIND OF LIBERTY IN KNOWING THAT I AM WALKING IN YOUR WILL.

The stage

People people people, every where you go, there are people. The moment you step out of your home, you are placed on an invisible stage, every single move you make is being watched. Reviews are constantly being thrown at you in the minds of your "audience", if you know what I mean. The mundane things we do on such a regular basis can sometimes make us restless. People though wonderful creatures, can fail you sometimes, and that is the instability of relying on them. One moment you love them and the next, you have to hide in the toilet to pray that you can forgive them and stop yourself from throwing whatever is beyond your reach at them, including words unmentionable. Sometimes I feel so stifled it almost feels like I could choke on air.

So I asked You, " how do I live this life for You without being swallowed by the mundanes of daily routine?" And felt you telling me that the key is Focus. Who am I performing for on this invisible stage? You or men.

Practically, I need to set goals as milestones to achieving the dreams and visions You put in me. With that, I have a sense of purpose and direction and thus thru constant evaluation and monitoring, I know where I am heading and where I am at the moment. At least I know I am moving and not stagnant, which in essence, helps rid of the feeling of restlessness coz I know I am truly doing something and not floating along with the tides of time and doing the same thing over and over again. I am a visionary, only with goals, visions, dreams and a map, I am then driven to live life to the fullest. I need to do it and not procrastinate anymore, I desperately need a road plan and You as my compass. There is a liberty in performing when I am performing for only one audience: You. Help me do that everyday.

Lost but found again

Imagine living in a house like this, snuggled up in a cosy armchair by the windowsill, reading a fiction romance novel or a non fiction book on the Holy Spirit.... Seeking You.... Taking a boat ride out on a breezy evening.... Talking to You... Pure ecstasy.... Divine peace

I realised one thing and that is every time I try to do things on my own and refused to listen to You, I will end up regretting. Truly, unless I am walking in Your will, I will not experience the peace my soul so desperately needs.... The moment I decide to let go of my stubborness and surrender all to You, I feel free. The vacuum inside that I try so hard to fill everyday with different things can never be filled up unless it's filled by You. Relationships with people, Boy Girl Relationships, Material things, Work etc, all these are important, but if I try to use them to fill that gap deep inside, it will be a neverending effort that will work out to nothingness. My value should not be based on external things but on my identity in You. I am Yours and what can be more valuable than that. Help me see me the way You see me.....

To the one who changed my life

Ashes to Beauty
You are the expert of transformation
From the moment I met You
To where I am now
It's amazing how far You have brought me

Was indulging in my misery
Then You came along and swept me off my feet
The greatest moment in my life was when I touched You in the realm of eternity
Thou I am still in the process of being worked at
I know that nothing beats being right on track with You

Many times I indulged in the desires of my flesh
Many times I fell when temptations came
Many times I swayed from the path You prepared for me
Yet each time You rescued me without fail
Yet each time You never give up trying to pull me back

My heart longs for someone
You know my deepest desires
Every single ounce of me was formed by Your hand
My weaknesses my strengths
They were created for a reason

I need to learn my lesson
Each time I fail to seek You
Each time I refused to listen
Each time I try to do it on my own
I will get myself bruised and battered

Yet the amazing thing is....
Each time I return home to You
You welcome me with arms wide open
You flood me with Your mercies and forgiveness
You filled me with Your presence and love

Nothing matters when I am with You
Stripped off everything
You still tell me You love me
You still tell me You have a wonderful plan and future for me
No one will ever be able to replace You

Just want to hear You say
Well done good and faithful servant
Just want to hear You say
Janice, you truly are a woman after My own heart

Teach me how to love You more
Show me how to walk in my call
Give me the strength to take up my cross
Guide me to walk in Your spirit everyday for the rest of my life

Ramblings

There are so many things I want to do in my life with my life. I aspire to inspire people to change the world and change their life for the better. I am very inspired by people like Oprah Winfrey, this woman single handledly changed the American society in the 1990s, bearing in mind that she is "just" a woman and she is black.

Making people see the light is my goal and changing the world for the glory of God is my life's mission.

Any Oprah Winfrey inspired women out there keen to join my team? :)

The right one

I had my fair share of heartaches and experiences in relationships for the past 16 plus years. A person can be crazy about you one moment and treat you as someone of absolutely no significance the next. Maybe that's the impression I am giving other people as well. Its funny how this world works, people hiding behind all the masks and walls, outwardly to meet the societal norms but I guess the truth is all of us are afraid of being vulnerable to others. We are all searching for that mutual connection. And the key word is not connection but mutual. Sometimes its the wrong person, sometimes its the wrong timing. When I decide to love someone, and I strongly believe it's a matter of choice, I give my all 101%, no holds barred. I don't like to play the love games people nowadays play. I like to lay all my cards on the table and bare all. This is me, love me for who I am and I will do the same to the object of my fancy. But nowadays, its hard to even find that one person I feel a connection to. Its either someone who is so wrong or someone I can't be with. I have such a great capacity to love and i need him to just love me, that's all. I will give and I will love and it makes me happy when i see him happy and achieving his dreams. It gives me joy to do things for the one I love and see that smile on his face. But where is that mysterious RIGHT ONE? I felt God giving me a prophecy on 1st Jan 2008 that I will meet the one He wants me to marry this year. I believe he will appear soon. Someone who loves Him, who has the fear of the Lord, someone who will push me towards my call, my dreams and visions and help me grow in the potential God put in me, someone who aspires to grow in his potential and pursues his call, dreams and visions relentlessly, someone who is loving, devoted, commited and faithful. Someone who is fun loving, humourous, bold, agressive, good looking, enterprising, a natural leader and influencer, streetwise, someone who is not a conformist, good at music, creative, great capacity to love, affectionate... I desire to be loved but I want the guy to be approved by God, to be the best one and only He will know who is the best one. I wait patiently now yet my heart desires to hear the voice of someone who doesn't seem to be the right one. I just pray that I can overcome all these emotional relationship issues and temptations so that I can help other women overcome them too in future. Lord, if it is your will that i still keep in contact with him, then i pray that the sign is he will call me later... If not then help me give up.. He is not the one...

Just another chapter - The invisible woman

In the mood for some jazz and junk food, which incidentally doesn't exactly compliment each other but what the heck, just go with the flow of my emotions. Talking of which, my emotions, has been fluctuating with the likes of the US market recently. If my emotions were to be compared to vocal range, it would probably be in the likes of diva status,either plunging to the depths of Bing Crosby or reaching the heights of Joan Sutherland. Guess I should consider enrolling my emotions in a singing competition... Imagine:The winner of Singapore Alternative Idol 2008 is... Drum Rolls.. Janice Yeo's Emotions! Ha!!!!! Well, imagination aside, back to reality, yes, the target of which my emotions is geared towards is another one of those mind-boggling human trigger. Thoughts like "What is going to happen to his future?Should we still keep in contact?Can i bring him out of the world he had no choice but to be borne into?Does he even know the extend to which i care?Why has he been allowed into my world? Why hasn't he replied me?" have been swirling through my mind these few days. Well, i know these thoughts probably originated from my flesh but hey I am only human...
Yes, I have prayed and every time I asked God to give some signs if He still wants me to keep in contact with him and to be the one to point him to God and to play a role of influence in his life, the signs will come. But the thing is I feel something for him. Maybe it's compassion in its purest form, I dunno. What would Jesus have done? Guess I will have to spend more time with God. I know He will provide the best solution and make things happen! :)

I would love to perform this song one day!